Motivation Derailers – 4 Ways to Block Their Success

What are the biggest motivation derailers?

1.     Listening to negative comments.

2.     Hearing the negative comments.

3.     Accepting negative comments.

The thoughts and comments from others have a big impact on our life.  Often we give extra value to these comments because we respect the people as part of our inner circle.

It is important, however, to step back and take a second look at the value that these comments are adding to our life.  Is there any merit to the comment?  Is the comment adding a negative value or a positive value?

Many times these well-meaning people do not understand and cannot see the our dream.  Dreams are like finger prints; they are unique to each individual.  Therefore, we see them differently then others do.

The goals we set to arrive at our dream are even more specific and unique to the “owner” of the dream.  Sometimes these goals only make sense to the owner. Others do not understand these goals and only see them as a big mistake.

1.      Listening to negative comments.

Listening to a negative thought is different than hearing a negative thought.  Listening is just giving a polite listening ear to someone who is talking to us.

However, if we also hear the comment, we are well on the way of accepting it and then implementing it.

How to block the motivation derailer of listening to negative comments.

Firstly, be kind to the comment-maker.  When they have completed their thought, let them know in a loving way that their negative comments will not be received.  Let them know in a professional manner that dreams are very personal and that their support is appreciated but not required.

Secondly, “recharge” your motivation battery by:

  • Re-visiting the place/magazine article/source that got your dream started in the first place.
  • Re-reading your plan that shows the steps to accomplishing your dream.
  • Doing whatever it takes to accelerate your motivation to a higher level.

Treat negative thoughts like rain.  Allow them to run down and away into the gutter system.  Never allow them to overtake a dream and derail it.

2.      Hearing the negative comments.

Allowing a negative thought to take hold by hearing it is the beginning of great failure. There is tremendous power in a spoken word.  Giving excessive value or time to a negative thought will derail motivation for any dream.

Hearing a negative thought is much more dangerous than just listening to it.  Hearing it means that it has made an impact on our thought process.  It may very easily take root and then cause defeat and failure.

How to block the motivation derailer of hearing the negative comments.

Firstly, re-evaluate the negative comment using your rationale and common-sense.  Do not allow your emotions to get involved just because the comment was made by someone close.  Re-evaluation of the negative comment may reveal a tinge of jealousy, perhaps even spite or just plain misunderstanding of the dream.

Do not allow the negative comment to take root and derail your dream.  If the re-evaluation of the comment reveals merit, it may be an opportunity to refurbish the dream.  Remember, dreams change with time and may look completely different from the original picture.  Go with the flow and keep the motivation turned on high!

Secondly, we need to choose wisely when selecting people for the inner circle closest to us and our dream.  It is critical to allow only those people into the inner circle, who share the same vision and enthusiasm for our dream.

3.      Accepting negative comments.

This is the most dangerous of all.  The phase of accepting a negative comment has by-passed the listening and hearing stages.  Here, the negative comment is accepted at face value without rationalizing or evaluating it.  This is a clear recipe for defeat and failure.

How to block the motivation derailer of accepting the negative comments.

Firstly, it is extremely important to stay motivated by allowing the dream to take center stage in life.  Dine with the dream, sleep with the dream, wake up with the dream, exercise with the dream, take the dream for a drive, entertain the dream and protect the dream at all costs.

Secondly, keep company only with people who are supportive and inspiring.  Always carry a small journal to mark down anything that will enhance or boost the dream.

Summary:

In summary, don’t sweat the small stuff.  Get over negative comments easily and look for all the positives.  Stay motivated and keep the center stage of life clear of all negative clutter.  Only allow the dream to access center stage.

Increasing Motivation Reduces Stress

It’s all in the way you look at a situation!

Two young ladies, one named “Jane” and the other “Sally,” are each traveling down a different street when their cars have a flat tire.

Jane’s reaction is to get so upset that tears run freely. It’s obvious that her blood pressure has increased by leaps. Her mind is over-whelmed with the situation’s negativity. A flurry of defeated thoughts rush in, such as:

  • I am absolutely finished now!
  • My day is totally ruined!
  • I’ll never get out of this predicament!
  • I’ve never had it so bad!
  • This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me!

Notice all the energy being absorbed by the overly exaggerated and negative thoughts. Jane’s energy is dwindling fast as she struggles against these negative thoughts and think of what to do to resolve the problem.

Sally, on the other hand, immediately takes control and thinks about what needs to be done. She keeps herself calm and motivated.  Her first thoughts are:

  • I remember seeing the car jack and tire iron in the trunk.
  • I know the spare tire sits on top of the jack in the trunk.
  • I’m not far from Henry’s house; I’ll call him to see if he can help.
  • There’s a tire shop not far from here, I’ll stop there later and see about getting a new tire.

In the meantime, Sally already called Henry, who is glad to come and help.  She has opened the trunk and retrieved the spare tire and car jack. By the time Henry arrives, Sally has the jack in place and the tire iron is ready to remove the lug nuts from the tire.

Now back to see how Jane is doing. She’s still sitting in the car on the side of the road, totally overcome with devastation. She’s so overcome by her defeated thought pattern that she cannot even think rationally. She is unable to think clearly about what she should do first.

These are very primitive examples of how we are in control of our own actions and reactions to situations in life.

Sally’s motivation is key to her taking charge and changing the situation. Jane, however, allowed the “power of negative thinking” to over-come and drain all her motivational energy. She literally sat in her car until some “good Samaritan” came to her rescue many hours later.

We all encounter difficulties that life throws at us. The difference is in how we handle them. If we focus on the negative of the situation, it will absolutely over-whelm and over-take us.

Negatives, whether they are circumstances or comments from others, act like sharks. They will try to chew off a piece here or there to maim us.  If allowed, this shark will totally incapacitate by swallowing us whole.

If the “shark of negatives” is stopped and not allowed to get close to us, then we automatically have the upper hand. Motivation is an enemy to negative thinking.  It does not accept a negative as the final solution.  Instead it remains strongly focused to change the situation into a positive outcome.

When negative thoughts begin to flood in, it is then that the door must be slammed shut.  Do not allow the negatives to take hold because they instantly begin to grow — rapidly.

Instead, nourish the motivational thoughts that are positively charged.  Motivation will always rush anxiously toward a positive and victorious outcome.

Motivating Staff For Success

Ever had an employee just watching the clock, who could hardly wait for the next break?

Ever notice an employee get more excited about collecting a paycheck then about getting a job done?

Ever see an employee more motivated about a sports team then about the success of their employer’s company?

Ever had an employee resign because they felt under-utilized?

Ever heard an employee say, “That’s not in my job description?”

These are all symptoms pointing to a single root problem!  Hold on to your hat because the solution is simple and easily resolved.  As a matter of fact, fringe benefits include stress reduction for management and motivated employees with increased productivity.

Here are 6 easy changes to help motivate staff members for success:

1.     Fill that human need to be valued.

Negative: When all company decisions only come from the top without employee interaction, employees feel like just another “cog-in-the-wheel.”  They feel unimportant and assume that management purposely keeps them in the dark.  This causes them to look for the only thing that gives them value — a pay check.  Thus, a demotivated clock-watching employee is created.

Positive: If an employee feels valued, they work harder, do a better job and go out of their way to accomplish goals for their employer.  They also tend to motivate other staff members, who are not as motivated as they are.  All human beings are created with a desire to be validated.

2.     Validation of employees starts with an easy 2-phase process.

Phase 1:

Negative: Firstly, encourage supervisors to rule with kindness and respect, instead of fear.  Employees that are submissive because of fear, become clock watchers.  They also begin sending out their resumes to other companies, who appreciate their skills and expertise.  When that employee leaves, they take with them experience that may not be easily replaced.

Positive: Employees, who are treated with kindness and respect, respond eagerly to new assignments.  They often go beyond what is expected of them to complete the job well.

Phase 2:

Negative: Secondly, assign supervisors the task of bridging the gap between management and employees. Employees, who feel that they are just part of the staff and not necessarily part of the company, have low morale, are demotivated and dissatisfied.  They often feel that their talents and skills are terribly underutilized.

Positive: A team-atmosphere, promoted by the supervisor, also produces a change in employees’ attitudes.  Employees, who are included as part of the team, automatically feel a sense of value and belonging. A validated employee transforms into a motivated and loyal employee.  Motivated employees never take note of a task not listed in their job description.  They just do it because it benefits the team.

3.     Knowledge is empowerment.

Negative: It is demotivating for employees to “be told” what to do, without being given proper background information or rationale.  This “air of secrecy” creates a sense of isolation and bewilderment. Employees do not understand how to arrive at the final objective because the direction is totally unclear.  They are only doing something because they were told to.  The question of, “Why,” remains unanswered.  Usually, the end result takes considerable time to complete and is often wrong.

Positive: When employees are part of a team receiving pertinent information, they are properly equipped to complete the task.  Knowledge empowers each member and the team, as a whole, becomes highly motivated.  The correct result is often accomplished on the first attempt without any floundering or wondering about uncertainties.  This time-saving feature is a direct result of empowering employees by sharing knowledge.

4.     Share the decision-making process.

Negative: The ideology of many companies dictates that only management level is included in the decision-making process.  Obviously, this excludes most of the employees, who are also affected by the decisions finalized behind closed-door meetings.

Excluding employees from these important decisions creates a wall between staff and management.  Long-term, this wall can cause severe damage to the strength of the company.

When management takes on the decision-making process and excludes all others, they also create unnecessary stress-levels for themselves. All companies have employee pools filled with rich resourceful ideas.  Tapping into these resources can add greater value to the decision-making process or even establish new company growth ideas.

Positive: When there are decisions that affect the company, it is critical to include and involve all employees in this process.  Including them promotes a sense of “ownership.”  This feeling of ownership is especially true if employees come away from the meeting with a specific project — even if it is a team effort.

Employees given the opportunity to “drive” their own projects, become enthusiastically motivated to produce above-average results.  They take great pride in being considered the owner of this project and tend to take personal responsibility for the success of the project.

Giving employees “ownership” of a task or process becomes even more important when the decisions have a negative impact.  Employees accept negative decisions more readily when they understand the reasoning and are part of the decision-making process.

5.     Brain-storming sessions with all employees can add great value.

Negative: Employees consistently excluded from participating in their employer-company, will not share their  cost saving ideas, improved process ideas or even new venture ideas.  No one develops better or more creative ideas then the person who works the same process daily.

These efficiency ideas may carry great benefits for the company.  Unfortunately, they will never come to fruition when employees do not participate in brain-storming sessions.  Often, these employees, unable to share their ideas with their employer, act on them by creating their own venture and establish competition for their now-former employer.

Positive: Supervisors, hosting brainstorming sessions with their team, will be pleasantly surprised to see the brilliant ideas that come out these sessions.  Gifted ideas can translate into serious increases to the bottom-line of a company.

Employees, given the opportunity to participate in these brainstorming sessions, take a deep personal interest in the success of the company.  They see themselves as valuable and an important part in helping make the company a success.

Employees who are given the opportunity to use their talents and expertise begin to shine in unexpected ways.  Their work reveals never-before-seen quality that can enhance the company reputation.

For example, Company #1 has an acceptable product, while Company #2 has a great product.  Which company do you suppose has more customers?  Reasoning would say Company #2 has more customers.

In reality, the answer is Company #1.  What differentiates these two companies is the staff in the Customer Service Department.  The staff at Company #1 are talented, knowledgeable, polite and friendly, while the same is not true for Company #2.

Customers are immediately drawn to the company that cares about them as clients.  Company #1 may not have the best product but they have the best customer service – that’s what really matters to the consumer.

6.     Implement incentive or profit-sharing programs.

Treat Me Good and I’ll Work for Peanuts – Well Maybe Not Quite: It isn’t necessary to have an incentive or profit-sharing program to attract talented people as employees.  Talented people will happily work for a company that recognizes their skills and values them as team players.

People are often heard commenting during breaks, that their number one priority in a job is to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled rather than feel undervalued, unimportant and uninvolved.  Notice how there was no mention of money?  Every human being is created with the desire to be validated.

True Ambassadors: If the company chooses to implement an incentive or profit sharing program, employees become truly motivated ambassadors for the company.  They promote the company at every opportunity.  After all, if the company performs well, they share, not only the profit, but also the pride in being successful.

A true story: A young man, employed as an assembly line worker at a tissue manufacturing company, was out doing his weekly grocery shopping.  Moving between aisles, he stopped at the paper products section to purchase tissues.

While in the aisle, he noticed several people comparing different brands and checking prices. Unashamed, he began to brag about the products of his company to these undecided shoppers.  His pride and knowledge of the product were unmistakable.  His impassioned motivation clearly showed as he answered each shoppers’ question.

Needless to say, all the undecided shoppers purchased the products recommended by the young man.  Quite possibly these shoppers are now dedicated to purchasing the same brand each time.  They will always remember the young man who answered all their questions.

Later someone asked the young man, “Why did you take the time to talk to those people?”  He responded, without hesitation, “I work for the greatest company in the world.  I am part of the team and I want to see my company be even more successful then it already is.  Besides, I know we make the best product that there is!”

What’s Good About Today? To motivate staff for success requires a new all-inclusive team management style.  Employees respond quickly when included in the process that makes their company work.

Perseverance and Motivation

Perseverance is defined as “doggedness: persistent determination!”

These are some pretty strong terms.  “Doggedness,” tends to paint a picture of a big German Shepherd dog enjoying and protecting  his bone.  Just listen to him… chew, chomp, chew, chomp?  He is determined not to quit and it sounds like he’s really enjoying it because he’s still going strong even after an hour.  That’s perseverance!    By the way, never get between a dog and his bone!    :-)

Accomplishing dreams depends on the same kind of determined perseverance.  Perseverance is the winning element that separates the mediocre achievers from those who are extremely successful and stand out in our society.  Imagine combining perseverance with passionate motivation, when working toward a goal.  This combination becomes a sure-fire winner that demands nothing less then over-the-top success.  Remember the dog and his bone?  Well, don’t ever get between the motivated, persevering achiever and success.

Sports teams are a great example of perseverance.  The score is 7 to 2 for the visiting team.  The losing home team rallies around the coach during a break.  The coach’s most important task is to motivate his players into a motivated attitude of perseverance.  Focus on what was good in the first part of the game and continue in that direction with a renewed passion for winning.

If the home team was  asked about their emotions, when the score is not in their favor, they would probably say that they felt discouraged, inept, incapable, defeated and even wanted to quit.  Quit, because losing seemed inevitable and they focused only on the negative.  Giving in to these temporary emotions is NOT a recipe for success.  Successful people NEVER give in to these momentary feelings.

Defeated and negative emotions never linger long.  They are extinguished as soon as the focus changes from the negative to the positive.  It takes effort to change concentrations from the negative mistakes and failures and pay attention only to the positives of accomplished goals and being a successful winner.

Back to the sports team.  The key to their success is perseverance.  They didn’t give up even when they felt like it.  They went out with a new positive attitude and played even better in the last part of the game then they did in the first part.  They achieved their goal and finished the game with 17 to 12.  The reason for their success?  Perseverance and focusing on the positives!

This same perseverance is the key that successful entrepreneurs depend on.  After all, that’s how they got to where they are now.

Cultivating Perseverance in 4 Easy Steps

1.      Make up our mind to continue even though our family/colleagues have already quit.

Often those closest to us try to “protect” us from, what they see as, a mistake.  They do everything in their power to discourage us and continually tell us that it is an impossible task.

If we choose to make up our mind that we want to accomplish our dreams, then we need to make some choices that produce the winning results we want.  The first step is to limit contact with the well-meaning, but negative influences of short-sighted people around us, until  the goal is successfully accomplished.

Keep company with only those who encourage and promote our cause.  These people add-value to our life and share our vision.  Positive influence is critical when working hard with perseverance to achieve the success that dreams are made of.

2.      Always stay focused on the end result of winning – never on set-backs encountered to get there.

It is very easy to keep looking at failure and then continue dwelling there.  The more time spent focusing on failure, the larger it begins to look.  Soon it becomes so huge that it completely over-whelms and intimidates.  When this happens, weak-in-the-knees syndrome sets in and causes us to just quit.

It takes just as much energy to see the positive side as it does the negative.  Energy should be used wisely and focused only on the positive, while leaving the negative behind.  Place a label on the negatives and call them, “Obstacles.”  The sole purpose of an obstacle is to provide another opportunity in redoing an uncompleted process with some variable changes.  Then focus on what went right and continue to persevere.  Repeat these steps until the process is successful.

3.     Keep track of what works.  Learn from others and don’t re-invent the wheel.

While working toward that ultimate goal, notice what works during the completion of each task.  Re-use the processes on this list of “what works” repeatedly.

When looking for a new procedure, learn from what others did.  Follow their example and insert some personalized changes to adapt the process.  If it works, great!  Keep track of it.  If it doesn’t quite meet the required specifications, change what needs adjusting and try again.  Persevere!  Don’t quit!  Don’t see it as a failure, only as an obstacle providing another chance to redo the process.

4.     Keep motivation levels at an all-time positive high.

Motivation needs to be our 24/7 companion in order to achieve the success we truly want.

Let’s look at the following picture:

Motivation is the gasoline that drives the car.  Perseverance is the cruise control that maintains an acceptable level of speed.  Negative set-backs is a flat tire or speeding ticket.  Success is arrival at the desired destination.

What is the most important element in this picture?  Look at the list again and reorder them with #1 as most important and #4 as the least important.

  1. Gasoline (motivation)?
  2. Cruise Control (perseverance)?
  3. Flat tire/ticket (negative set-backs)?
  4. Arrival at the destination (success)?

The order we  select is very revealing in how we achieve success:

If  motivation is the most important, our emphasis is on staying focused and remaining positive.

If perseverance is the most important, our emphasis is on never stopping even if the process is flawed.  Continue by changing some variables and try again.

If success is the most important, our emphasis is to get there and not allow anything to stop achievement of it.

If negative setbacks is the most important, our success is in danger of derailment by the slightest little negative event.  Success, more than likely, will not be achieved.

What’s Good About Today? Remember:  never get between a dog and his bone – or – a motivated persevering winner and success!  The result could be unpleasant!  :-)

Visit my website:  motivation-4-success.com

Secret of Success

What is the illusive secret of success?

Why are some people so successful and others are not?

What can I do to be successful?

Have you ever heard these questions asked by someone around you — or perhaps you’ve even asked some of these questions yourself.

After observing extremely successful people for some time, it has become obvious that there is really no secret to their success!

Here are 20 of the most common attributes that successful people share:

  1. Successful people are motivated by their goals.  They get excited just talking about what they are planning to achieve.  They entertain thoughts of their goals all the time.
  2. Successful people have discovered that their success comes only when they accomplish the goal(s) that they set for themselves.  A “goal” is the big picture made up of many smaller tasks.  A goal cannot be accomplished instantly but only through the achievement of many smaller tasks that make up that goal.
  3. Successful people are motivated and do not procrastinate.  “Later” is not a word that successful people understand.  They are “in-the-now” type people.  They are so passionate about their goals that they cannot wait to finish one task and then get on to the next one.
  4. Successful people are “movers and shakers” of our society.  They are always busy completing one task after another.  Each of these tasks are directly linked toward that final goal they have set for themselves.
  5. Successful people are willing to go the “extra mile” when everyone else has already quit.  They are people with a mission in mind and they will complete that mission at all costs.
  6. Successful people are NOT quitters because they know that quitters never win and winners never quit.  Thomas Edison gave us the light bulb with that very attitude.  He never quit trying until he achieved ‘light’ in the’ ‘bulb!’
  7. Successful people have a passion for what they are doing.  They never embark on a venture that they cannot get excited about.
  8. Successful people care about others that surround them.  They never allow people into their inner circle who will not add any value to their life.  (i.e. someone who is a chronic complainer and speaks only negatively).
  9. Successful people usually have more than one goal that they are pursuing at a time — often they have about six or more goals in operation at the same time (depending on the size of the goal).  Their motivation does not allow them to just settle for one small goal and get bored.  They always have lots on their plate.
  10. Successful people never waste time and often don’t have any tolerance for people who do.  They cringe at the thought of being forced to sit and act like a couch-potato for even five minutes.
  11. Successful people recognize the importance of a healthy diet and proper rest.  Without these important factors, their mind becomes inhibited and are then unable to make solid/rational decisions.  (They are sometimes known to ignore this, even though they know to do better.  They only re-submit when they begin to feel sick.)
  12. Successful people are multi-taskers.  They love nothing better than to be doing two or three things at once.  (Of course, never try this while driving a car.) They are usually the ones who are rushing down the sidewalk at breakneck speed, carrying an over-stuff briefcase, on their way to a meeting, all the while talking on their cell phone.
  13. Successful people are willing mentors to those anxious and hungry to learn.  They take great pride in the things that they have learned from their efforts and are willing to impart this knowledge to a willing student.
  14. Successful people are not afraid of failure because that just means they will try again until they are victorious.  “Failure” is not part of the vocabulary of successful people.  Instead they see it as an opportunity to try again using a little different approach.  They will repeat this until they conquer.
  15. Successful people are often pioneers in the way they operate and may not have a map to follow.  This means they travel into a brand new arena where no other has yet dared to venture.
  16. Successful people “think outside of the box!”  This means that they see things from a different perspective then has ever been tried before.  They shift the paradigm and through motivation excite other people to “catch their vision” as well.
  17. Successful people are free thinkers and never try to be a follower.  They are always leaders, often with exceptional leadership skills.
  18. Successful people carry themselves with confidence and poise.  They may not always feel confident, but they refuse to let anything but confidence show.  They never allow set-backs to create discouragement.  Instead, they only work harder to accomplish the task set before them.
  19. Successful people behave professionally at all times and acknowledge the rights of others.  They look for things that they can learn from others and never feel that others are beneath them.  Successful people are always learning something new.
  20. Successful people rarely, if ever, second guess themselves.  They go with the first impression/thought/ decision.  If it doesn’t work, they can always come back and do it over again with a slight change.  Successful people look at second guesses as a waste of time.

There are many tidbits of good information listed above.

The most important point is that all successful people move towards their goal because their goal will not come toward them.

Success can be measured by each small task that is completed.

What’s Good About Today? Success is not for an elite group of people.  It is attainable by all who make up their mind to achieve it.  The secret is to break down the larger goals into smaller bite-size tasks that can be completed in a 24 hour time frame.

Check out my website:  motivation-4-success.com

Overcome Failure By Not Pleasing Everyone

Trying to please all the people around us all of the time, is a recipe for disappointment and a miserable lifestyle. It is unreasonable to even think that we can please everyone all of the time.

In my life’s experiences, I’ve noticed a clear 80-20 rule. If we please 80% of the people around us 20% of the time, that’s absolutely great. At the same time, 20% of the people around us will be displeased with us 80% of the time. Therefore, I’m sure you can see that it is absolutely impossible to please everyone around us all the time.

This article is birthed from my own difficult personal experiences and how I am still learning to over-come my unhealthy lifestyle. I’m hoping that someone else may take away some valuable information from here to help them in changing their lifestyle into a healthier one.

Refocus Conditioning From My Formative Years

As a child, I was brought up to obey my parents and to do what I was told. I knew that if I wanted my parents’ approval, I needed to do what they told me to do. Let me stop here and say that there is nothing wrong with that scenario – for children who are in the process of growing up and still learning about life.

However, as an adult, I learned that my focus needed to change from incessantly pleasing others to making my own wise choices from all the information around me. Ultimately, I was responsible for the choices I made, whether dictated to me by others or chosen on my own.

That didn’t mean that I should now completely ignore the advice from those around me. It just meant that I needed to put their advice/opinions into proper perspective. I needed to develop my own personal decision-making process by using all available information around me. I learned that advice from others can be invaluable but should NOT be used exclusively as the basis for any decisions affecting my life.

As a child, I would strive to please my parents to achieve approval, but as an adult, I needed to place the emphasis on making good choices for my life instead, which would ultimately provide self-confidence and satisfaction.

Dealing with Rejection

All my life, I wanted approval, acceptance and appreciation from others around me. To add an additional variable to this mix, I have a very difficult time dealing with rejection from others. I continually judge myself by the reactions, toward me, from others. I grew to hate who I was because I interpreted the rejection from others as a direct link between who I was and who I should be. I never seemed to quite “measure up” to the standards set by others.

To avoid dealing with the painful emotion connected to rejection, I would strive even harder to gain the approval of others by trying to please them more. The only thing I knew to do was doing what I learned as a child – comply with what others thought I should do. I hoped that through this submissive action, I would achieve their approval and perhaps avoid that dreaded feeling of rejection. If they approved, I thought that I might just have a small chance at finally measuring-up to those seemingly “unachievable standards” set by others.

Unfortunately, this is how I ended up living my life. I lived my life for others and, in the process, my uniqueness, as an individual was totally lost. This unhealthy lifestyle is filled with nothing but constant disappointments and hurt feelings. It’s like going from one bad experience to another, without any break.

Life became one miserable and vicious circle of co-dependency, as I tried even harder to please others and “buy” their approval. This put me right in the center of a very unhealthy lifestyle cycle.

Unhealthy And Unhappy Lifestyle Cycle

Below is a diagram depicting the “Unhealthy Lifestyle Cycle” that had become mine.

Unhealthy and Unhappy Lifestyle Cycle

Unhealthy and Unhappy Lifestyle Cycle

My cycle focused totally on pleasing others to win that brief moment of acceptance/approval. When I could not achieve this, the result was an intense feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction with myself.

This resulted in a new and more vigorous attempt at gaining that most sought-after approval/acceptance from others. From there the cycle starts all over again, never achieving a feeling of self-confidence or self-worth.

This vicious cycle consumes a tremendous amount of energy and only produces high-stress and an incredibly unsatisfied, miserable life.

The ability to change this unhealthy cycle is difficult at first. I started by making one small conscientious change at a time until each change became routine. Soon it was easier and easier to implement small changes that produced positive results. Each little change produced a little more satisfaction and self-confidence.

I am still working at it and having more success with each passing day.

Healthy and Happy Lifestyle Cycle

Listed below is the ultimate lifestyle cycle that I have mapped out for myself.

Healthy and Happy Lifestyle Cycle

Healthy and Happy Lifestyle Cycle

I can’t promise that I won’t fail at it occasionally, but I don’t have to remain fastened to the Unhealthy Cycle any more. Now that I can see it written down, it becomes more obvious where changes need to be made.

In conclusion, the best thing I can do for myself is to be who I am and make the best choices for my life – not choose what I think would make others around me happy. I am confident in who I am and if people do not approve of me or accept me that is their choice. They have a right to their choices, the same as I do.

If I spend all my time trying to gain the approval/acceptance of the people around me, I may have just wasted my time on the wrong people. I am learning to find the right people, who will add value to my life. There are plenty of people in this world, that I haven’t even met yet, who are willing and able to add great positive value to my life. I can’t wait to meet them all!

What’s Good About Today? A healthy and happy lifestyle cycle is a matter of choice not an unchangeable inherited characteristic!

Check out my website:  motivation-4-success.com

Fear of Failure – How to Overcome it in 5 Steps

How does the “Fear of Failure,” (FoF), affect your life? How has the “FoF” factor affected the pursuit of your dreams? Does the “FoF” factor keep you from even attempting your dreams? How can you overcome the “FoF” factor and successfully accomplish your dreams?

Here are five steps you will need to take in order to face your “FoF” head on and over-come it!

1.     Identify where the fear originates from.

Thoughts are our worst enemies at times.  Often the FEAR of failure is much greater than the actual failure itself.

Fear is very much like a photocopier.  As long as there is paper in the machine and the copy-button is continually pressed, copies keep flowing.  Imagine that the copies made are the fear factor and the copy-button is a negative thought.  Each time we think a negative thought, it’s like pressing that copy-button and, of course, fear then duplicates itself.  Negative thoughts left unchecked can create quite a “mountain” of fear.

2.    Clearly identify the “FoF” thoughts.

Think about your fears.  Take time to be honest with yourself because these thoughts are the culprits that are responsible for keeping you from your dreams.  Mark them down on a sheet of paper and keep track of them.  The more you can mark down, the more leverage you will have in dealing with them.

Remember, the first step in facing and dealing with  fears is to acknowledge them.

Here is a list of the most common negative thoughts:

Thought #1: My friends and family will watch me fail.  How embarrassing!

Thought #2: People will gossip and make fun of me when I fail.  How humiliating!

Thought #3: I can’t afford to lose the start-up money.

Thought #4: I don’t think I have the ability to do it.

Thought #5: What if no one is interested in my idea?

To make matters worse, these negative thoughts have a way of pressing their own repeat-button and replaying themselves.  As they replay, additional negative details are added each time.  Then, in walks fear holding hands with all those negative thoughts.

As real as these thoughts, feelings and emotions may seem to be, they should never be allowed to take center stage before your dreams.

3.    Turn those negative thoughts around and see the new result.

Now it’s time for you to take the sheet of negative thoughts and re-write them.  Turn them into positive ones.  Keep this new list visible where you can see it often.

Listed below is a new set of positive thoughts:

Thought #1: My friends and family will be so proud of me when they see my accomplishments!

Thought #2: People won’t take notice of me if I quit.  They will, however, take notice of me if I keep trying and then succeed.

Thought #3: My dream has a price and I must be willing to take that chance.  If I don’t, I will go through life saying, “If only, I had tried…”  I have made up my mind that I am going to try and keep trying until I succeed.

Thought #4: I know I have abilities and I have made up my mind not to hide them under the “FoF” canopy any longer.  I have decided to use my abilities to accomplish my dream.

Thought #5: I know that I can and will be successful and when that happens, others will take notice.

Wow, what a difference!  Did you notice that the same basic idea exists in each of the thoughts?  The only difference is that the first set focuses only on the negatives, while the second set focuses on the positive.

4.     Make a plan to defeat the “FoF” factor.

Obtain a journal and write down your thoughts, ideas and inspirations.  This journal should be your constant companion because you never know where you’ll come up with another great idea/inspiration.  Leave plenty of space on this idea/inspiration page for growth.

On another page of the journal, write down all the reasons why you should be pursuing your dream.  Don’t forget to include all the positive outcomes of your successes while pursuing your dream.  Of course, the first positives on this pages should be all those negative thoughts turned into positives.  This will be your positive reinforcement when you get discouraged (and we all do at one time or another).  Don’t spare the ink on this one… and leave some extra space to fill in at a later day.  Read this page often.

The next thing to do is to create an outline of your plan to begin building your dream.  Create a rough outline listing the steps to building your dream.  Once the rough draft is complete, go back and fill in all the necessary details to completing each step.  Be as detailed as you can here.

Re-read your finished outline and make any changes and adjustments.  You may possibly be making adjustments even during the building process of your dream.

5.     Now is the time to begin building your dream.

Following your outline in your journal, begin assigning time frames to each step.  Set reasonable deadlines for each task and be faithful to them.

Work diligently and with passion — after all, this is your dream that you’ve always wanted.

Live with your dream, sleep with your dream, dine with your dream, entertain your dream and never squash the passion for your dream.

So What’s Good About Today? It’s never too late to stop the “FoF” factor and instead use that energy to chase your dreams.

Check my website:  motivation-4-success.com

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